As a mom who likely prioritizes the needs of others, it’s easy to overlook your own well-being. What I see in my role as a licensed counselor is that this pattern is all too common. Therefore, it’s my job to continually assess where you are in your journey, what needs you may have, and how best to support your overall well-being. Whether you're considering therapy for the first time or are already familiar with the process, understanding the foundational needs that drive your behavior can provide clarity on what might be missing from your life.
Choice Theory posits that all behavior is driven by our attempt to meet five fundamental needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. In this blog post, we’ll explore how these basic human needs impact your mental health, relationships, and overall life satisfaction. We’ll also discuss how addressing these needs in therapy can help you develop meaningful goals for your well-being.
Survival: Meeting Your Basic Needs First
Survival includes physical needs like food, shelter, safety, and security. As a mom, you're probably ensuring your family’s survival needs are met—but what about your own? When we neglect our own basic requirements, such as proper sleep or nutrition, it impacts our mental health, often resulting in anxiety, depression, or burnout. Sometimes sleep can be hard to come by, and let’s face it, mealtime can all too often become that left over chicken nugget on your child’s plate.
In therapy, assessing your ability to meet your survival needs is essential. If you constantly feel overwhelmed or exhausted, we’ll explore what might need to change in your daily life, and what supports you could ask for in order to improve your well-being. Addressing your needs may involve identifying areas where you can reduce stress, whether it's delegating tasks or setting boundaries to create space for rest and nourishment.
Love and Belonging: The Power of Connection
Human beings are wired for connection, and love and belonging are essential for emotional well-being. However, as a mom, you might find that most of your energy goes into nurturing others, leaving little time for your own need to feel loved and supported. When you feel isolated or disconnected, it can lead to emotional distress and even resentment.
In therapy, we’ll assess whether you feel supported and loved in your life. If you don’t, we’ll explore ways to reconnect—with your partner, friends, or even yourself. Often, moms lose sight of their own relationships while caring for their children. Therapy can help you nurture meaningful connections, both within your family and outside of it, allowing you to fill your emotional cup so you can continue giving to others.
Power: Building Competence and Self-Esteem
Power is about feeling competent and capable. As a mom, you likely wear many hats, but that doesn’t mean you always feel successful in all areas. When you feel powerless—whether due to the demands of parenting, work, life or all three—it can erode your sense of self-worth.
In therapy, we’ll work together to identify your strengths and skills. By finding ways to reconnect with what makes you feel capable and confident, you can regain a sense of power. Whether it’s through finding a fulfilling hobby, engaging in personal development, or simply recognizing the incredible value you bring as a mom, we’ll focus on rebuilding your sense of competence and self-esteem.
Freedom: Finding Balance in Life
Freedom is about having the ability to make choices and engage in activities that are meaningful to you. Yet, as a mom, you may feel like your sense of freedom has taken a back seat to the needs of others. The constant demands of parenting, work, and household management can make it difficult to find time for yourself.
Therapy can help you identify the barriers to freedom in your life. We’ll discuss ways you can reclaim that sense of freedom—whether it’s through setting boundaries, reducing obligations, or carving out time for activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. This balance is essential not only for your well-being but also for modeling a healthy, balanced life for your family.
Fun: The Importance of Play and Joy
Fun is a crucial but often overlooked need. Engaging in playful, enjoyable activities is necessary for mental health and well-being. However, as a mom, it’s easy to put your own enjoyment on the back burner, focusing instead on keeping everything running smoothly at home.
In therapy, we’ll explore how fun and relaxation fit into your life. If you’ve lost touch with activities that once brought you joy, we’ll work together to reconnect with them. Whether it’s pursuing a creative passion, joining a social group, or simply taking time to laugh and play with your family, incorporating fun into your routine can reduce stress and increase your overall happiness. Let’s be real though, if the other basic needs aren’t met, it’s almost impossible to fill your cup with fun.
Tailoring Counseling to Your Needs
As a mom, you may be used to caring for everyone else first, but your own needs are just as important. Therapy provides a space to focus on you—to explore areas of your life that feel unbalanced and to create a plan for meeting your needs in healthy, fulfilling ways.
By addressing survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun, we can work together to build a more balanced and satisfying life. Therapy isn’t just about getting through tough times; it’s about making sure you have the resources and support to thrive, for yourself and for the ones you care about.
