In my practice, I’m getting a lot of calls from people who are looking for the perfect therapist after working with someone whose modality or experience did not match their needs. It made me wonder, are clients having bad experiences overall, or are therapists and clients missing each other when something in the room isn’t clicking?
For many people, the decision to start therapy can be filled with a boost in mood, because they feel pride in their decision to start therapy, and hope in the process.. You might think that you will start to feel better quickly, and that each step forward will lead to greater clarity and relief. Yet, what you might not expect is that healing often follows a non-linear path. There are ups, downs, and plateaus—and sometimes, the hardest sessions can hit hard, and make a busy life a bit more challenging temporarily. .
Acknowledging the ups and downs can help you better navigate the therapy process, and learning to embrace self-compassion when things feel challenging can be a powerful tool for fostering resilience and acceptance along the way. Please know, it often can feel harder, before it gets better.
The Myth of Linear Progress
We tend to think of improvement as something that should be continuous, an upward trajectory of feeling better each day. In reality, healing—especially from trauma, deep emotional wounds, or long-standing mental health challenges—is rarely linear. Therapy can involve peeling back layers of emotional defenses, uncovering memories and feelings that may have been suppressed or avoided. These can sometimes resurface in unexpected ways, leading to emotional discomfort, confusion, or a sense that things are getting worse instead of better. This is normal, and while difficult, it’s often a necessary part of the process.
Why It Can Feel Worse Before It Gets Better
As you work through challenging emotions in therapy, it's not unusual to feel worse before you feel better. This isn't a sign that therapy isn't working—rather, it can be an indication that you're doing deep, transformative work.
Here are a few reasons why this can happen:
1. Uncovering Old Wounds: Therapy often brings to light painful experiences or emotions that have been buried. While unearthing these feelings is essential for healing, it can be incredibly uncomfortable at first. You might feel raw, vulnerable, or even overwhelmed as you process these experiences.
2. Challenging Long-Held Beliefs: Therapy encourages you to question and reframe thoughts and behaviors that may no longer serve you. However, changing long-held beliefs, especially about yourself, can be unsettling. Letting go of old patterns requires effort and often brings up resistance, fear, and discomfort.
3. Facing Vulnerability: Therapy asks you to be vulnerable, and that can feel frightening. As you learn to open up and express emotions you might not be used to sharing, it can lead to feelings of insecurity, fear, or even shame. Vulnerability is a crucial part of growth, but it can also be one of the hardest things to accept and practice.
4. The Healing Crisis: In the process of healing, you might experience what’s sometimes called a “healing crisis,” where your symptoms temporarily worsen before they improve. For instance, revisiting past trauma or discussing difficult emotions might initially increase feelings of anxiety or sadness. However, this is often a sign that your mind and body are working through those feelings, setting the stage for long-term healing.
Embracing the Up and Down Process of Healing
Accepting that progress in therapy is non-linear can make the journey more manageable. Here’s how you can cultivate acceptance of the process:
1. Recognize Setbacks as Part of the Process
It’s important to acknowledge that setbacks are a natural part of therapy. There may be days when you feel like you've made significant progress and others when old patterns or negative thoughts resurface. These setbacks don’t negate the progress you’ve made; they are part of the complex nature of healing.
Try not to see these moments as failures, but as opportunities to deepen your understanding of yourself. Each time you revisit challenging emotions, you’re giving yourself another chance to work through them with more awareness and self-compassion.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is crucial for navigating the non-linear path of therapy. Often, when things get tough, we tend to be harsh on ourselves, thinking we should be further along in our healing or feeling frustrated for struggling with the same issues. Instead of turning inward with criticism, self-compassion invites you to treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in self-compassion, suggests three key components: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness. Being mindful of your emotions allows you to acknowledge your pain without becoming overwhelmed by it. Recognizing common humanity helps you remember that suffering is a shared human experience—we all struggle, and you’re not alone. Finally, practicing self-kindness means offering yourself the same care and comfort you would offer a close friend.
3. Shift Your Perspective on Progress
Try to reframe how you view progress in therapy. Instead of measuring success by how quickly you feel better or how few setbacks you have, think of progress in terms of increased self-awareness, emotional resilience, or improved coping strategies. Even when things feel tough, you're still learning and growing.
Each time you face a difficult moment in therapy, you're building new emotional muscles. You may not see the impact of this immediately, but over time, you’ll develop greater strength and resilience, allowing you to handle future challenges more effectively.
The Role of the Therapist in Navigating Tough Times
Your therapist plays a vital role in helping you navigate the non-linear nature of healing. When things get difficult, it’s important to communicate openly with them about how you’re feeling. They can offer validation, provide reassurance that what you’re experiencing is normal, and guide you through strategies for coping with discomfort.
Therapists often employ techniques like mindfulness, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), or somatic approaches to help you process and integrate difficult emotions. These tools are designed to help you stay grounded during challenging moments and promote healing from within.
Trust the Process
Ultimately, healing takes time, and the therapeutic journey is rarely a straight path. Learning to trust the process—even when it feels uncomfortable—can help you embrace the ups and downs of therapy. As you work through difficult emotions, acknowledge that this is part of the deeper healing process.
By cultivating self-compassion, recognizing that setbacks are part of the journey, and shifting your perspective on progress, you can navigate the non-linear path of therapy with greater resilience and acceptance.
Conclusion: Finding Strength in the Journey
Therapy is about more than just "feeling better"—it's about growth, self-discovery, and healing from within. Progress isn’t always about moving forward quickly; sometimes it’s about staying present, allowing yourself to feel vulnerable, and trusting that each step, no matter how difficult, brings you closer to lasting change.
In this non-linear process, self-compassion will be your ally. By learning to treat yourself with kindness and understanding, even in the face of discomfort, you can create a more sustainable and meaningful path toward healing. Embrace the challenges, trust in the process, and remember—you’re not alone on this journey.
