Is it Okay to be Vulnerable Here? Embracing Overwhelm and Finding Strength in Vulnerability
Today, I found myself reflecting on the profound impact of grief and loss. Lately, I've been feeling softer, more vulnerable, and overwhelmed for various reasons. One of the main sources of this vulnerability is my daughter—this incredible, perfect little being who has changed my life in so many ways I never imagined. I often find myself overwhelmed by the desire to give her everything, to ensure she feels loved, cherished, and safe. Yet, despite my best efforts, I frequently feel inadequate, questioning whether I’m truly enough for her. because I’m so busy, distracted, and overwhelmed by life’s demands.
But in those moments of self-doubt, I’m trying harder to remind myself of something deeply important: that feeling inadequate is a common part of being human, especially when we care so deeply for someone else. The truth is, what matters most is that she feels loved. Does she? I hope so with every fiber of my being because she is, without a doubt, the most important gift I have ever received. And while I call her a gift, what I truly mean is that I am in awe of the privilege I’ve been given—to experience motherhood with her specifically, to be in her presence.
She is not mine, nor am I hers, and yet we are everything to each other. I’ve been entrusted with this precious soul for a short time, and that is a responsibility I do not take lightly. I’m struck by the intensity of my desire for her to be safe, healthy, kind, and loved. My ego wants to believe that I can give her all of that, that I can be her everything. But on the hard days, I come face to face with the reality that I am not cut out for that—at least not in the perfectionistic, all-or-nothing way that my ego tells me I must be. It makes me want to be her everything, even if just for a minute. But the truth is, I can't be.
And that’s okay…
Yet, alongside this joy and anxiety in connection to parenthood, there’s also the heavy weight of concern for a dear friend of mine who is unwell. Because life is always happening in many ways simultaneously (both blessings and heartbreaks). When someone we care about a becomes medically fragile, it shakes us to our core. Life has a way of coming at us fast and leaving just as quickly. In those moments, we are reminded of the fleeting nature of life and the pressing question: Are we living it right?
As I immerse myself in the busyness of life, I’m frequently reminded of my purpose and my “why”—which is to empower others. Most days, this purpose fuels my fire, pushing me through the mundane and the hard. As my pediatrician, Dr. Jerald Mefferd, wisely advised my husband and me, sometimes you have to “embrace the suck.” This was a parenting tip we often remind ourselves of in many situations in life. He’s a wise man ;).
It’s all we can do—to be there in the ways we can, without exhausting ourselves trying to be more than we are. Because when we push ourselves beyond our limits, we sacrifice our health, well-being, and peace. And without those, we can’t show up fully, in a way that others can truly resonate with.
My wiser mind knows this truth: we are all just travelers here for a short time, each of us flawed and broken in some ways, yet also emboldened, powerful, and infused with loving effervescence in so many others. We are all of it, all the time. We’re dysregulated and broken at times, and we’re also loving, kind, supportive, and smart. We show up for one another in countless ways. And that’s enough. It’s okay to be imperfect. It’s okay to be overwhelmed. It’s okay to not have it all together.
What matters is that we keep doing the work to become more net positive versions of ourselves. Or, perhaps more importantly, to just be real and ask for help when the burden becomes too heavy to carry alone. Because that’s okay too, and it leads to tremendous growth in so many positive ways, not just for ourselves but for others as well. It’s far better to go down that road—not just for our own sake, but for the sake of those around us.
So, let’s practice self-compassion, kindness, giving, and receiving. And perhaps most importantly, let’s give to ourselves. It’s the most important thing we can do to be an asset of light and love in this world.
